37 Comments

  1. I can’t help but continuously feel like I’m fucking everything up for my kids. I have no idea what I’m doing with this parenting thing but I know, and they know, without a doubt, that love them more than anything. Thank you for being so real and open with your struggles! It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in all of this!

  2. I'm 26 now but have always been a parent oriented kid. My parents were both fairly wild growing up and as the oldest (and a girl!) they were VERY clear about their expectations of me. My mom runs a private practice therapy center and was also the school therapist for the high school I attended, where she ran a bunch of clubs and stuff to help kids stay away from drugs and alcohol, but she was also very much the "cool mom" and everyone would come hang out at our house so she was always in the know.

    Growing up I'd frequently hear "if i ever catch you smoking a cigarette i'll break your fingers one by one, then take you to the hospital, tell them what i did and they'll side with me" in addition to lots of other threats like "if you're even at a party where someone's drinking alcohol I WILL hear about it, so watch yourself" 😅Ethical? Fuck no! But did it work? For me… yeah. I had maybe 10 sips of alcohol thru high school. I got drunk for the first time at prom, my mom heard about it, I got in a fuck ton of trouble and for the first time didn't care about my parent's opinions and spent the first year and a half of college getting blackout drunk every weekends… then randomly stopped one day and have had maybe 10 sips in the last 6 years. It's just not for me.

    POT! on the other hand is a different story. There wasn't much talk of it, I didn't know much about it other than i should avoided it unless i wanted the wrath of my parents. But I became a regular pot user (joints, bongs, bowls and almost exclusively buds. not really a concentrate fan unless i wanna get fuuuuuucked up) in college & it's remained that way over the last 8 years. It bothers my dad, but my mom's chill with it. I've never touched a cigarette, don't drink, and have never had the desire to try any other drugs (besides that one time I tried "molly") and she feels there's a lot worse out there I could be doing and if this is what I choose to use to take the edge off, then she's done a pretty good job.

    My younger brother is also a different story. He started smoking pot at 14, would show up to school high, dabbed & used pens and concentrates etc, started drinking when he was maybe 15? He's tried a bunch of other drugs. He's struggled with a really terrible eating disorder and never really had a solid group of friends once he started high school. Despite their knowledge & success w/ getting me to college with little difficulty, they were virtually useless and had the hardest time parenting him.

    So basically what I'm getting at is that it's so different for every kid, even if you're raised in the same house by the same people and gender absolutely plays a role. Can't imagine how hard it is to parent ever, let alone this time, keep on trying. One day he'll be grown up, with a fully developed brain and I'm sure he'll be appreciative of how much you're doing for him 🙂

  3. This is exactly what I wanted when I was going through my pot-phase in high school. I moved to a new city after my dad died when I was 15, so my mom could be closer to work/her new husband and I 'wanted' a fresh start (I didn't know what I wanted). When I got there, I started going to a new school with new friends and wanted to experiment with drugs. I wish my mom had made more of an effort to connect with me later in those years. Instead they would just walk TV together, too loud for anyone to talk, and never anything I wanted to watch. After work, I'd go straight up to my room and not talk at all to any of my family. I had to ask my mom to come talk to me sometimes for a few minutes or have dinner with me. I'm 21 now, have a great relationship with my mom but if she had made an effort to support me more, maybe I wouldn't have been addicted to pot all these years. I am recently sober, and hopeful I can regain some of my cognitive abilities by 25. You're doing a great job Michelle.

  4. This is the best advice ever. I had that mother. My mother was the one who gave me freedom, but was always there. All my friends were always in my house and my mother became the cool mom to everybody, but super responsible and knew which ones were good or bad for me.

  5. Michelle thank you so much for talking about your mom stuff. 🙂 I so need these pep talks sometimes. My kids are not quite in junior high yet, but my oldest is getting very close so I know that I'm going to have to hash it out at some point. I appreciate the time you take to talk about all of these mom life problems. 🙂

  6. Hi Michele! I am impressed with how often you are posting lately! Always interesting! Since you posted about Cash's troubles (and longer than that actually) I have wanted to offer my thoughts, for what they are worth. Maybe I should just write an email to TPB to reach you directly. Sometimes when I hear about these kind of parenting issues on your channel I feel as if I am a health conscious vegan watching someone who is unaware of their poor health choices…only in the parenting realm. Not the best analogy but the frustration I feel is similar. I strongly feel you are an awesome woman and mom, so I want that to be clear. I want to help but I am not sure how receptive you are to my perspective. From my point of view and given all the research on the topic, kids as young as yours really do not need access to media via phones and devices. You can really help them a lot by acting as a filter for a lot of cultural garbage or inappropriate content online, on tv, and on the radio. From everything you talk about and what you show in your vids it feels like your kids have perhaps had to race through their childhood and that they may be exposed to a lot of overly adult stuff like movies, tv, music etc. Maybe I am way off base?

    The best way to prevent kids at the tender age of 12-13 from doing drugs to to be truly present for them as they grow and to provide a "wholesome" (not the right word really – sounds so puritanical) home life with solid values (again I sound like a creepy family values police). The fact that your career is bound up with social media and revolves around making public your hot bod in really nice swimwear (again, all wonderful and cool) could be an area to watch out for with regard to how it affects the kids. Not that you should be frumpy – just saying that the whole social media scene is so bizarre and one dimensional at times. So establishing regular rhythms in the home that kids can count on. Special one on one time – … and just keeping things sweet and age appropriate for as long as possible. Having a high end lifestyle also seems to me to be something to consider as it always seems like the well off kids are bored and looking for some boundary to push. I am always more worried about the super wealthy kids my son hangs with. They have more access to all kinds of things and the entitled attitude too. They are my yellow light friends! Ha ha!

    Limiting access to screens will go a long long way in keeping kids connected to themselves. My kids are 15,10, and 9. They are fortunate to attend a school here in DC that does not allow screens or phones in school and they spend a lot of time outdoors during the school day. None of the kids has a cell phone. None has their own computer. I don't expect you to go all Waldorf on me, you are way way way to cool and sexy! But do some more reading and take the wisdom of Waldorf on the media thing. Your kids will come out whole and have the strength to cope with our crazy society.

    The other important resource I would share with you all is the Parent Encouragement Program based here in the DC area – they have a tremendous resource on all kinds of parenting issues. I would be lost without them. They now are offering online talks so that their classes can reach beyond our locale. Check them out!!!!

    http://pepparent.org/

    Also check the work of Jane Nelsen of POsitive Discipline fame. The Adlerian psychology her work stems from would say that a child smoking weed is a discouraged child and when that is understood you can implement specific encouragement strategies. See what you think.

    OK! Thats a lot from me but I hope it makes sense. Focus on the kids and their wellbeing, be there for them, don't be too cool for them! Leave them some room to express their cool! Ha ha!
    Love you mucho – coming to Florida this week. I would love to meet up with you one of these days before you return to California, but alas I doubt you have time to meet people in person…You should host a big workshop for all your members and fans! We could all come and say hi! Aimee

  7. I read a tweet the other day that if a kid under 18 smokes a lot of weed she or he can lose 8 IQ points (half a standard deviation). And the loss can never be recovered. That's a huge reason to never smoke it.

  8. Would home schooling help during the early teen age years you think?
    Also, has your daughter reacted to all that's been going on with her brother?…my brother went through similar things when I was younger & didn't know how to approach it

  9. I raised my son with bible values. Taught him all about drugs and their effects. When he turned 18 he said toodooloo, left home and got a tattoo, had a few girlfriends, smoked pot, drank. He knew he couldn't do any of that in my home. I couldn't stop him since he was 18 and out of my home but I let him experience life the way he chose. He came back home a few months tired of all that ready to work, go to school and reading the bible. So we have to train them the best way we can while they're still listening to us.

  10. I'm a single mom as well, with two boys 10 and 12. It's been only the three of us for over eight years now and I can relate to what you were saying regarding the emotional toll that being a parent is. There is a saying:" a mother is only as happy as her saddest child."

  11. I 100% agree with you! My kids are 22 and 19 now and those years that they were “finding” themselves I thought I wouldn’t make it through! No matter how much you punish them close them off to the outside world they will find a way to do what they want! I was always SUPER close to my kids and I was the “cool” mom too! We talked openly they knew were I stood on everything but as their own individual selves they HAVE TO find out for themselves! They will make good decisions and bad ones but the ONLY thing that will make a difference in the long run is did they feel your unconditional love and support the same in the bad as in the good? I’m not saying it’s easy to do but it’s the only thing that will keep them as close to you as they can be during those times! When they know mom/dad accept me for who I am no matter! Best of luck to all the parents❤️

  12. I hear ya…I am a single mom of 2 teenage boys 15 & 17. My husband killed himself 9 years ago so I've been going it alone. I couldn't keep up with the demands of trying to control the kids & realized it was a disconnect & not real that I thought I could manage them that way. I learned years ago to always tell my boys you cannot control another person. Everyone, does exactly what they want & on a subconscious level has accepted the consequences as being ok. I tell them I am not doing anything to them but "they are in charge of how I respond to them with appropriate consequences (positive or negative) in exact relation to the choices they make & how they choose to interact with me." They feel less controlled this way & make mistakes too but all of it: MISTAKES & GOOD CHOICES are part of the odyssey of their life that needs to be respected. Mine & others response to them are indicators of how their choices fared & help them to steer better through life. I am watching safely nearby & interceding when appropriate. This teaches as well as modeling the best human you can present in the moment better than any false sense of control in the world.
    This allows them to feel more emotional connection to me & themselves which is the heartbeat of humanity. BananaBlondie108

  13. Honestly this video has helped me so much. Recently we took in a 16 year old boy who was having troubles at home and all of this really made me think about his situation and his brain development. I will definitely look into those books. Appreciate you!

  14. I think wanting to look cool to your peers unavoidable, but the more different groups they're in the better because it lessens the grip one single peer group has on them. If you just have one set of friends then they're really important and you can become really needy for their approval, but if you have friends from school, friends from juijitsu, friends from swimming, whatever, then you're way less reliant upon school friends' approval and you get to see a contrast between the different groups and it becomes easier to judge who's better, which helps you determine how you want to act yourself.

    Good adult role models are important. I think guys like Jocko Willink are really important for boys. He's the "manliest" guy I know. He's got a family, he's disciplined, kind, calm, wise, a bad mother fucker and he's an eternal student. I think these are qualities every guy wants and will get fulfillment from working towards, but we need to actually be told about the virtues of them otherwise it just looks like a lot of effort with no reward, whereas the poorer behaviors are naturally appealing and instantly rewarding. Like eating cake. We need to be taught the virtues of choosing the salad.

  15. Uggh, everything you said its so true. My savior during those years was to always be available to drive my son and his bunch of friends around. I would just listen to their conversations. We really had a tough time from 14 to 18, but those moments in the car we were ok together and he knew he could count on me.

  16. ahh, you're such an amazing mama! your kids are very blessed and honestly, major props to you for never giving up or "checking out" like so many parents would, even when times get really hard. it's very easy in 2018 to pass your kids off to a therapist and look for quick fixes instead of putting in the work as a family, but you guys have obviously been working super hard to help kash get through all this. it's all just super dope to see. more parents should be like you!

  17. Love these types of videos! Kash is a great kid and he'll find his way. He is very lucky and fortunate to have a parent like you who puts so much time and effort into helping understand him. I wish my parents were like that! xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*